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COMING SOON

by Mike Topp

LINCOLN'S BIRTHDAY (2007) Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes. Lincoln has to baby sit his girlfriend's three Chihuahuas during the height of the Civil War.

MR FLOOD'S PARTY (2007) Gary Busey, Cameron Diaz. A preppie Ohioan gets his comeuppance when he becomes an old drunk who dies alone.

NIGHTINGALE WITH A TOOTHACHE (2007) Paris Hilton, Johnny Knoxville. A porn star gets amnesia and applies for a job at the local tool shop.

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NOVELTY TEE SHIRTS NOT ALLOWED ON FLIGHTS

by

Mia, Tim, Dan, Some Guy (Norrel? Merril?)

1.) I hate Bush so much I want to strike a flight attendant.

2.) Too much free booze makes me lunge for cockpit doors.

3.) I'm with stupid terrorist --->

4.) World's greatest Dad, save for the fact that he freaks out like a cornered animal when you get him on a crowded plane.

5.) I love tampering with, disabling, or destroying lavatory smoke detectors.

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