And now former museum employee Steven Seighman addresses your museum situations... º º º THE ART OF THE MUSEUM What To Do and Not To Do When Among the Masters by Steven Seighman
Dear Steven, Why are the admission prices usually "suggested" or "recommended"? How often do people not pay the full suggested price? Does the ticket person sneer? -Harris Bloom Harris, Because I know all about art museums, I think I can adequately answer all of your fine, fine questions. First, admissions are "suggested" because that makes a museum, which is most likely non-profit, look generous and "for the working man." This ensures that they will get more money from endowments or trustees. But, let me tell you this, dear Harris, museum workers do not look kindly upon those who do not pay the full "suggested" price. It's not that they sneer so much, though, as it is they rifle through your checked bags to find anything valuable that could make up the difference between what you paid and what they "suggest" you pay. This is common museum-employee knowledge. Once, when I was working in the coatroom at the Philadelphia Museum of Art during the Republican National Convention, a big, jolly man in a white cowboy hat came up and shook my hand. He told me he was George Bush's cousin. I didn't go through his coat after he checked it though; I figured he probably paid the full admission price.
Dear Steven- I just want to touch… this is how I feel about every single item in a museum. Paintings, armor, mummies, sculptures; I often feel unsatisfied after leaving a museum and I think it’s because my experiences with these artifacts and masterpieces have been denied the sense of touch. Yes, it all looks very nice, but what does it feel like to run your hand over a Van Gogh, to lean against a Raphael, or to feel the rush of pretending to toss a Ming Dynasty vase at you friend but at the last second, actually just lobbing it to yourself? I understand that a museum cannot just have everyone touching all the artwork, especially people who eat lots of chocolate. It makes sense, but keeping my hands in my pockets often crates a preoccupation that burdens my museum going experience and leaves me more frustrated than enlightened at the end. -Erik Bowie
Erik, Before I get to your question, let me tell you this: Fucking North Carolina just beat Illinois for the NCAA championship and I couldn't be more giddy. You see, I lived in Chapel Hill for a while and I spent a lot of time on campus. So, they are my people, you know? I mean, I'm not fanatical or anything, but I share a strong bond with that place, so I am mucho happy they won. I also lived in Seattle for four years, so I was upset to see Washington get ousted, but oh well. Seattle, by the way, has a very lame art museum. But the gallery at UW, which used to be curated by a friend of mine, is stellar. So is Pioneer Square, where they have a ton of upscale and DIY galleries all mixed together. I used to love going down there. Anyway, back to your touching question. I can understand your wanting to touch. I really can. But if everyone that wanted to touch a Van Gogh or a MIro actually touched one, the acid in their fingertips would wear the paint down over time and it would look pretty dumb, what with a big blank spot of canvas on it and all. So let me ask you this, is there anything in your pockets you could touch instead? Dear Steven- Bathrooms are conveniently placed throughout all museums. I never understood why museums do not hang art in the restrooms. When I piss I want to feel inspired. -Sebastian G.
Sebastian, Is this inspiration-in-the-bathroom thing universal? I've always wondered why people take books in there and then don't come out forever. Why don't they just read elsewhere and go into the bathroom when they know they need to go? That's what I do; I go about my day and then, when I feel something about to explode out from my insides, I go into the bathroom. I think you should use the museum bathrooms as what they are: a brief, relieving respite from the overwhelming beauty of Sargent, or the downright creepiness of Bacon. -Steven º º º Maybe all of a sudden you're like, "Wait...I have one!" Click the link below to drop Steven a letter and avail yourself a few answers. º º º º º º
THE BOOK, THE AUDIO, THE TYPING ABOUT BOTH
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