THINGS I HAVE LEARNED SINCE MOVING TO NEW YORK

SIX MONTHS AGO

By Erik Bowie

If a guy with a French accent approaches you and opens with the line: “Do you like blow jobs?” chances are that later in the conversation he is going to ask you to give him one on the abandoned side street that he has followed you down.

A “five story walk up” does not mean that your own personal apartment will have five floors with the option of installing a fireman’s pole.

Bedford Avenue in Brooklyn is a magical street where nobody has to work, yet everyone still has plenty of money for expensive coffee and guitar lessons.

Good looking guys with dogs talk to a lot more good looking girls in the
park than I do.

When you coincidentally bump into someone you know on the street, it’s not cool to act like it’s the most amazing thing that’s ever happened to you, and to keep declaring that “it must be a sign!”