REALLYSMALLTALK'S SECOND ANNUAL BEST OF NEW YORK LIST, 2004

Best thing said to woman by downtown construction worker: To first passing woman "Honey, you got it all." And then to closely following second woman: "But, baby...you went and stole it from her, didn't you?"

Runner up: Absolutely no runner up on this one.

Best feeling: A quiet sense of calm confidence.

Runner up: Pissed off, but too tired to care.

Best place to stand: Spring and Crosby.

Runner up: The section of Perry Street where the word "Fucko" is written on the Pedestrian Crossing sign.

Best excutive gift: Something titanium.

Runner up: The truth about mortality.

Best fat person jumping around on TV: First Publisher's Clearing House contest winner on Publisher's Clearing House commercial.

Runner up: The third fat winner who jumps and dances almost simolatneously, right before they show the fat kid.

Best thing to say to a concierge at the Mercer Hotel to let him know that you know the secret code for a free upgrade to fourth floor suite:

"Ding, bow wow wow, na na na na, the biscuit's baaaakiiiing."

Runner up: "Pelly. Johanna. Coleslaw, fries, and cup of boredom."

Best lie: Your vote counts.

Runner up: If you say this ridiculous shit at the front desk of a really nice hotel in SoHo, they'll upgrade you.

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