AQUAFIT

by Kim Bosch

In my ongoing effort to stay fit I have recently been attending Aqua Fit classes with my roommate. On average the class consists of middle-aged women with large thighs and overtly tropical coloured bathing suits. But today was different. In the back there was a twenty-something man with dark hair and fantastic shoulders. I nudged my (availably single) roommate as we splashed and swallowed mouths full of water. I made sweet smiles in his general direction, my eyes darting from him to her. Suggestions were skimming across the water.

The teacher of this class, a flamboyant man named Silvio (Sil) who instructs us from poolside, likes to sing out his instructions to the beat of music like Tiffany’s “I Think We’re Alone Now”. He asks us if we’re working hard. We groan as a reply. The shoulder man lets out a resounding “WOO!” and we all laugh, because his shoulders, again, are spectacular.

It comes time to move into the deep end of the pool and everyone jumps out to temporarily strap on their incredibly constricting floatation belts. Out jumps the shoulder man, in all his greatness, revealing his uncomfortably skimpy Speedo bathing suit. I turn quickly to my roommate in order to hide my shock and give her the “Oh, that's too bad...” look. The man puts on his belt and it’s just...something. He jumps in the pool again, the exercises commence.

One of Sil’s favorite exercises (inner/outer thigh) is done by putting your feet together and moving your knees in and out (think thigh-master). This creates a sort of strange wave of water around your crotch. All of the women who have taken this class know this. My roommate and I have talked about it in detail before. So we’re doing this exercise and shoulder-man (now renamed Speedo-man) lets out yet another resounding “WOO!” which Sil reciprocates by saying, “Yeah! It feels good huh?” which provokes yet ANOTHER “WOO!” with an added "YEAH!" from Speedo-man in the back.

I start laughing and as I’m laughing I’m seriously sinking: my face half underwater, the big foam belt up around my chest. Beside me my roommate is also drowning. Just outside of the pool Sil is counting down from 4. And the man in the alarmingly small Speedo will not stop yelling “WOO!”

I imagine, just for a second, that this is how I die.

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